Get What You Want From Your Man
–By Giving Him What He Needs!
In Get What You Want from Your Man, certified life
coach Shirley Baldwin reveals the secrets of how men
think, what they truly want in a relationship, and what
makes them want to give everything of themselves to a
woman. Your relationship will never be the same!
Addressing the common issues in relationships, Shirley
helps women realize that by understanding the needs of
their man, changing their perception, and shifting how
they act in the relationship, they have the power to create
whatever they want. Get What You Want from Your Man is
written by a woman, for women, yet includes both men’s
and women’s perspectives to help women of all ages and
stages of relationship.
Whether readers have been in a relationship for many
years, or haven’t yet begun one, Shirley holds their hand
along the journey and helps create a permanent change in
how women see and relate to their man, so they can get
way more from him than ever thought possible. Best of all,
this is all accomplished without encouraging manipulation,
head games, or women losing themselves in the process of
creating the relationship of their dreams.
*************************************************************************************
Are women high maintenance, moody, needy, manipulative gold-diggers?
Are men selfish, controlling, not helpful at home, always looking to fix a problem rather than lend
emotional support, and only interested in sex and not love?
With these stereotypes circling the homes of millions of couples and marriages, no wonder why the
gender wars get in the way of men and women sustaining a loving, happy long-term relationship.
All too often, people wake up one day and ask: Who am I now? What happened to my marriage? Where
did my dreams go? However, you can still make a major change to turn things around. It’s not too late.
Debut author Shirley Baldwin has seen first-hand what destroys once-loving couples and turns them into
angry, cold, and confused soloists. In a controversial but promising new book, Get What You Want from
Your Man: A Guide to Creating the Relationship You Desire. (Morgan James Publishing, Trade Paper,
$13.95, 132 pages, ISBN: 978-1683509837), readers are treated to insights, strategies, and tools that will
help them get what they want and need from their man — by giving him all that he needs and wants.
“When you change your perspective, you change your reality,” says Shirley, “and you have the power to
create anything you want in your relationships. Shift the blame of a lackluster relationship and empower
yourself to look within for the answers to a better, fulfilling relationship.”
She is available to discuss:
Why we must continue to seek love and happiness even when prior relationships didn’t end well.
How gender differences need to be understood, embraced, and used to treat their spouses right..
Why women should make themselves more available for sexual intimacy with their husband – and not see
it as a chore.
How to set rules for a relationship, including how you argue with each other.
The three things every woman can – and should do – for her husband, and how by doing so, men will be
motivated to do more for women.
Why women have to stop talking negatively about their men when the ladies get together – and how to
begin the habit of speaking positively and affirming a husband’s good behavior.
How women can effectively communicate with men.
How feminism is indeed masculine.
How the #metoo movement has created some harm.
Why women need to stop competing with men.
Shirley, now a newlywed, may appear to be the least likely to give relationship advice. At age 48, she’s
been divorced three times, but from those experiences – coupled with her 15 years as a certified life coach
– she helps women, men, and couples find a fresh path to marital bliss. Some of her clients include Major
League Baseball players; an Olympian athlete and celebrities. Given the high divorce rate in America,
not to mention how many millions of couples are in strained relationships, the advice of therapists,
psychiatrists, and PhD’s has not exactly cured America of lousy marriages.
“Women are nurturing by nature and they need to serve their man,” says Shirley. “Women are not equal
to men on a man’s terms. But they are equal as both live separately powerful roles serving and loving one
another. Women shouldn’t try to masculinize what they do, nor should men feminize their roles. Their
bodies, brains, and hormonal chemistries are simply different. We should welcome the differences and
not stray from them. Otherwise the gender roles get confusing and undermined.”
“There are so many levels of communication,” adds Shirley, whose book takes us on a journey of
discovery, understanding, and love. “We each must take an honesty perspective of ourselves before
judging others, and then look for ways to communicate on multiple levels: physical, mental, intellectual,
emotional, spiritual and verbal. When we pause in life and step back to take a good look at ourselves, and
how we are being in the world, endless possibilities to create whatever change we want will open up.”
“No matter how much time passes, no couple wants to drift to the point that they seem like complete
strangers to each other, to let a bond once forged in love and passion slowly slip and diminish away…
“But as Shirley explains, we are all fundamentally searching for the same things, and can effectively shift
our reality with just a shift in perspective in order to bring it into alignment with what we desire…
“Even when all seems lost and our relationships feel broken, there is always a way to repair the
connection.”
–CBS TV’s Survivor Actor Joe Anglim, in the foreword
About the Author:
Shirley Baldwin, 48, is an entrepreneur and certified transformational life coach who has devoted her life
to serving others. Over the past 15 years, her clients have included Major League Baseball, celebrities, an
Olympian gymnast, college basketball stars, children, women in transition, and couples. Her Get What
You Want Podcast launches this fall. Shirley has a magical ability to love and connect with individuals on
their level. She travels often, including trips this year to Mexico, South Africa, Scotland, Costa Rica,
Zimbabwe, Ireland, Botswana, and England. She lives near Phoenix, Arizona with her husband, Jeff, and
their blended family. For more information, please consult: www.getwhatyouwantfromyourman.com.
Contact Information: Media Connect
Jacquelyn Mahalick 212 715 1599 Jacquelyn.Mahalick@finnpartners.com
Jordan Weintraub Jordan.Weintraub@finnpartners.com
Brian Feinblum 212-583-2718 brian.feinblum@finnpartners.com
9 Ways To Get What You Want from Your Man
by Certified Transformational Life Coach & Author Shirley Baldwin
It’s a matter of perspective: give the positive a chance.
Life, and our relationships, are a matter of perspective. Your view of things, and what you
see as your truth, will cause you to react according to how you feel. Then as you’re talking to
others about your relationship, that perspective comes out. But what’s truth and what’s a lie?
If we focus on the negative, we get more of it. If we chose to see the positive, more of it
comes our way. 100% of the time, we will be able to find evidence to support either side.
Men should be men and women should be women.
We must focus on our own strengths and roles – and then complement one another. Women
nurture; men are strong. Women are giving; men need love. Men are compartmentalized
and want to fix things; women are more emotional and in need of being heard. Embrace the
differences – don’t fight them or destroy them.
Set boundaries on how you want to be treated.
Communicate what these boundaries are – and don’t waver from them. Learn how to say no,
speak your mind, and disagree from a confident, yet loving place.
The divinity is in every woman.
Women occupy a different space in the world from men – separate but equal, each in
powerful roles to serve and love one another. Women don’t have to do the same things as a
man nor to approach things like a man would. Same for men.
Disagree, but don’t fight to be right.
When you have a major discussion, touch one another Feel like it’s super important).
Humanize things; never shut down on each other and allow the other to speak without
retribution.
When you feel stuck with your partner, take a break and go away for a
weekend.
A change of scenery can change your perspective of each other. Time away from the kids,
work, phone, computer, and even the house, can prove to be a very healing and a
reconnecting moment.
Build your man up.
Affirm his good qualities by telling him what you like about him. Tell others (share the same
with others). Affirm his strengths publicly. Words can build or destroy someone. Too many
women will discuss the negatives about their husbands and boyfriends when they congregate.
Don’t try to one-up others with tales of horror. Instead, accentuate the positive. (positivity is
contagious, as is negativity)
Women, give your men sex – and often.
Intimacy is a gift. Something that can heal, bond, settle an argument, create growth and
merge two people together in a way nothing else can. Consider the possibility of what you
could create as a woman by joining in, creating with, enjoying just as much, with your man.
Sex shouldn’t be used as a negotiation tool, as a punishment. It should be able to be given
freely and often. I can assure you, you do this, and a whole new world will open up to you
and your relationship. Your man will become someone new, someone who will want to fulfill
you in return. If there’s something holding you back, look into it, work through it, grow
yourself in this category. I promise you, it WILL make a difference).
Shower him with attention.
Men are like dogs – in a good way – They love attention, praise, words of affirmation. They
love to hear when they’re being “good”, they cower or react poorly when they feel attacked.
Shower your man with kind, uplifting words of affirmation, tell him he’s handsome, strong,
have him feel supported and loved, tell him when he is being a “good boy”, play with him,
act interested in him, make him feel like the king of your world. If you continue to put him
down, remind him of what he isn’t doing right, scold him, boss him around, etc…you will
find him running off with his tail between his legs, looking for validation elsewhere, such as
his job, friends, hobbies, — or the arms of another woman. This is a huge need.
10 Rules To Fighting Fair
by Shirley Baldwin, Author
Touch – We feel more connected when we touch. It can defuse negative emotions, heal without words.
It’s hard to stay mad when you’re being touched. There is a transfer of energy with touch that cannot
happen any other way. It is a universal language. Oftentimes, the argument won’t go any further because
it becomes less important.
Allowing the others perspective – It’s important to communicate what you both are saying and hearing.
A lot gets lost in translation, when emotions are involved. The greatest gift you can give your partner is
space to share their perspectives, opinions, criticism, without fear of guilt, shame, or judgment. For
example: I am committed to hearing everything my partner has to say without looking to react, defend or
convince them of something different than their truth.
There’s no right or wrong – For entire lives, we are told that something is right or wrong. We create
boxes and everything either goes in the right box or the wrong box. So, when we feel we are right, it
makes everything else wrong. In all reality, there is a huge box that fits in between those that I call, “Just
Is”. Practically everything in life goes in this one. When we can come from a place of Just is, a huge
space gets opened up to feel acceptance and love.
Don’t call each other names – You can’t take back words, and they can cut deep. Name calling is super
destructive to a relationship. It can, hurt your partner, cause resentment and can do damage that is hard to
repair. It can also leave the argument unresolved or send it in a different direction.
Don’t threaten to quit or leave – This leaves the other with an insecure perspective and fear. Also takes
away the safe space in which to share truths, and be vulnerable.
Take accountability for your part of the issue at hand – Placing blame puts up walls. Acknowledging
your part can defuse a lot of issues. This validates the other person. Allows them space to contemplate in
their own mind what their part is. When both parts are acknowledged, then the resolution is nearer than
before.
Create a win/win – This way both parties come away feeling better. Also, it usually makes for a
productive solution and /or resolve. When you learn to do this, future disagreements become less dreaded.
Express love and gratitude for one another when it’s over – Everyone has arguments. They eventually
end. If we can end on a good note, there are better feelings and also will result in fewer arguments moving
forward. If there weren’t feelings involved, there wouldn’t be an argument to begin with because we
wouldn’t care. Pride swallowing enough to allow yourself to share the positive, really validates why both
parties are in the relationship to begin with.
Don’t bring up stuff from the past – This is a hard one. Sometimes actions are justified by saying, “you
did this, so I can do that”. Relationships can’t grow until the past can be dealt with and put exactly where
it belongs…..in the past.
Agree to disagree – Sometimes agreeing is impossible. It’s ok to have different perspectives. You don’t
always have to win. Just getting to that place of allowing your partner to have their own perspective, is a
win in itself.
Shirley Baldwin
Q&A
Get What You Want from Your Man
Shirley, what inspired you to write an insightful and provocative book, Get What You Want from
Your Man? I had a crazy story growing up. Went through a lot of stuff. I learned how to get past the
obstacles created through my trials. I wanted to help others do the same. I’ve been told for years from
most everyone I meet, that I should write a book. One day I decided to do it!
You are a newlywed, but let’s clarify. You are on your fourth marriage. Should we be taking
advice from someone with three divorces on her resume? Just like anything else in life, if you fail, try
try again. I failed…a few times. I learned from those failures. I figured out how to not fail again. Why
wouldn’t I be the best person for the job? I often think of my daughter, who is a collegiate gymnast. She
fell off the high bar, vault, beam, floor, so many times. She continued to fall and try again so many times
that she got really good at it. Good enough to get a full ride, D1 scholarship. If someone wants to know
about gymnastics, would they go to someone who has never learned how to get over the hard parts, or
someone who knows several ways to get past them? I’ve paved a path that makes it easier to attain.
The core message of your book centers around the idea that men and women must understand,
accept, and even embrace their gender differences in order to get along in a relationship. Why? We
may not ever completely understand each other. I mean, we are practically a different species. But having
some basic understanding and knowledge of how the other works, helps a ton. Embracing the fact that it’s
ok to be different, that we can still have joy and bliss, and even more so because of our differences, is
such a great awareness to have. Having an acceptance of each other, opens up a huge space to love and
enjoy each other on a different level.
What are some mistakes couples tend to make? Getting caught up in what the other is doing, instead of
focusing on doing their part, trying to control the other, looking for the negatives instead of looking for
the positives, thinking that the outside world is better than what they have inside their world (grass is
greener syndrome), role switching (man wears feminine mask, woman wears masculine mask), not
enough sex, haven’t learned how to fight fairly, not communicating their needs, or just not
communicating period, I could go on and on….
How can couples work around – or avoid – the typical things that often doom a marriage – poor
communication, lack of sex, constant arguing? Stop! Consider the other’s perspective and seek to
understand it. Think about what it must be like for someone to be in a relationship with you. Talk, listen,
touch, make time for each other, put down the social media, and stop listening to the world. Start each
day with an intention instead of just allowing each day to happen to you. Live with integrity, truth, honor,
respect, love. Quit trying to win. Instead, seek to find a win/win resolution, and quit trying to be right……
You and your husband, Jeff, agree to have rules when arguing. What are they and how do they
help keep the peace? Some of our rules are: we touch while arguing, allowing the other’s perspective to
be heard; not allowed to threaten to quit or leave; we say things like “what I’m hearing is…and allow the
other to say “what I’m saying is…” A lot gets lost in translation when emotions are involved. We don’t
call each other names, ever — it’s hard to take back words. We try to resolve on a win/win note, and
always express our love and gratitude for each other afterwards, especially for our individual willingness
to have a productive argument. And sometimes we simply agree to disagree. We both take accountability
for our part in whatever created the argument. We also don’t argue in front of kids or others.
You grew up one of seven kids to a home you said made you feel like a gypsy. You were kicked out
of the house at age 15 when you chose to be a Mormon, against your parents’ wishes. You were
homeless for several months. How did you survive on your own? In all honesty, I had no clue that
how I was being raised was different than the norm, because it was my norm. I feel we each have an
ability to survive whatever we are given. I loved my childhood, however dysfunctional it may have
looked to others. I also can’t imagine my kids going through what I did. But I just took it a day at a time
and made the most of it! I lived under bridges and huge pine trees and on the weekends I would have
sleep overs with friends. I didn’t have space to think about what I was going through, just how was I
going to get out of it.
In your book you suggest women should have sex with their husbands more often and to not see it
as a chore. Why? Intimacy is a gift. Something that can heal, bond, settle an argument, create growth,
merge two people together in a way nothing else can. Consider the possibility of what you could create as
a women by joining in, creating with, enjoying just as much, with your man. Sex is often used as a
negotiation tool, as a punishment. This is destructive to the relationship, 100% of the time. I believe that
when a woman can freely give herself to her man, he will give back. Obviously I always have to put in a
disclaimer because not all men or women are in a healthy place to do this. But no happy, healthy,
relationship is complete without it.
Some of your relationships were with controlling, abusive, or manipulative men. How should
women deal with such guys? First of all she needs to deal with herself. My allowing those kind of
relationships came from a place within myself that wasn’t healthy. Being in integrity with yourself,
creating healthy, strong boundaries, and knowing what you want will help tremendously. However, some
will still find themselves in a toxic relationship. Learning how to navigate these, comes with learning how
to stay true to oneself, it won’t be something tolerated when you’re in that place. Sometimes it may take
some outside help to gain the words and strength to get out of it. And still other times, it may not be what
they think it is and a change can be created within that relationship.
How do you help women see themselves differently, which in turn helps them see their men
differently? It all starts with an awareness, awareness of who they are, what’s their story, what do they
want, how have they go about getting it, has it worked, what fills them, what empties them, are they open
to exploring other ways of being, and learning how to navigate individual situations. There are so many
personal variables. I focus on their strengths, building confidence, teaching them to be in complete
alignment and integrity with themselves. Once we create awareness and intention, then we move towards
creating the relationship they desire.
In your book you talk about the cycle of circles we each tend to go through – truth, story, emotion,
and reaction. Can you explain this? If you can imagine 4 circles. First circle is What happened. Second
circle, What we say about what happened. Third circle, How we feel about what we say about what
happened. Fourth circle, How we react to what we feel about what we say about what happened. This is a
cycle that happens in every situation. Once we go through the process, once something happens again, we
go through the same thing again. We call second circle stuff, Chatter. When you’re aware of the chatter,
you can step back and focus on what actually happened. First circle is the only place of truth.
Are we too negative in our thinking when it comes to the one we are in a relationship with?
Absolutely. We are the hardest on the ones we love. It’s way easier to pick out what they are doing wrong
than to look within ourselves to see how we may be creating that. If it bugs us, its usually about us. We
are also given a fairytale expectation of what our partner should be like, and life really isn’t like that. But
the cool thing is that we can have a beautifully positive relationship, if it is our intention, even among our
trials. It’s just a matter of being aware of our thoughts and exchanging negative ones for positive ones.
I’m obsessed with my hubby and I love how it feels, so I just keep on being obsessed.
What advice did you give your teenage daughters about their feminine role in dating? I had them
know how much of a part they had in every scenario, and that they were in control. They could set the
boundaries in the relationship. They could put up the fences, and if they were kicked at, they could stay
true to themselves. I started at a young age teaching them how to value themselves and their bodies. How
to have confidence. How to live in the world but not necessarily be as the world was. As they went into
marriage, I taught them how to treat their man in a way that would also benefit them. They are both very
loving, kind, nurturing, yet powerful, strong women and wives. I often get thanked by their husbands for
raising such wonderful daughters. I taught my boys to respect women and I hear the same compliments
from those that interact with them too.
Women are fighting for equal rights, equal treatment, and a seat at the table. But does that
movement also confuse things or interfere with how women see their role in a marriage? Feminism
is masculine, period. It is destroying the balance of male and female. With women wanting equal rights,
fighting all the time for it, wanting to be treated the same as men, it’s creating a world where men are
becoming less masculine and moving toward feminine energy. There has to be a balance. Two of the
same energies can’t live harmoniously in the same space, so roles get switched. There cannot be
happiness in a place of imbalance. Woman are powerful, beautiful creatures. We don’t need to be like
men. We are special in our own right and we have strengths that men do not have. So yes, it’s creating all
kinds of chaos in marriages and in our future generations.
Do you believe a woman’s place is a housewife or to somehow not live out her full potential? Yes
and no. If a woman chooses to be married and have children, then I think there’s a place and time when
she would benefit most by being at home, if it is possible. Do I think she shouldn’t live out her potential?
No. But what does that mean? Potential isn’t always working outside of the home, competing with men,
being what the world sees as powerful. I feel I’m living towards my potential. It started by me raising
some beautiful humans. If we choose to have them, then is it our potential to give them to someone else to
rear? Could it be that after those years of rearing kids, we can then move on with a greater wisdom to
continue to progress in our knowledge and skills?
What do you mean when you say: “Divinity is in every woman”? Women are born as women.
Whether you believe in God, the universe, or some other greater being, there is no question that a woman
is born differently than a man. She can grow a human in her body and feed that human with the exact
food it needs to grow. She can heal a heart with her words or touch. There is a divine purpose in her. We
were created different for a reason. Women are beautiful, sacred, beings. If women could embrace that
part, they wouldn’t want to compete with men. They would be able to realize that they have been blessed
with a gift and could use that gift to create any single thing they want in this life.
How would you describe men? Uniquely simple. They approach life seeking to be successful. They are
very compartmentalized. So if they’re succeeding in one aspect, work, sports, personal, etc…then often
the other aspects will suffer. They want to be chivalrous, needed, and appreciated. I feel that they are
often misunderstood. They are very visual and sexual. They seek adventure, challenge, and want to be the
hero. I often compare them to dogs: They need a bit of a leash, yet freedom to run once in a while, a tug
to stay on track, food, water, nurture, sex, praise, physical touch, and playtime. Too much downtime can
lead to behavioral issues. With great care, they will shine.
How about women? Uniquely complex. They approach life seeking to be taken care of. They are very
powerful, yet soft, nurturing, strong, and tolerant. They want to feel loved, wanted, and secure. They are
very mental, the brain is their sex organ. There are a lot of variables with women: hormones, age, worldly
expectations. They are capable of much more than given credit for. Their minds are like spaghetti, so
everything is intertwined and has to do with the other. They are superhuman with super powers. Feminine
energy can permeate and heal, destroy negativity, cause shifts in mankind. They are also misunderstood.
If given great care, they will shine.
Why do you recommend that couples who feel stuck in their relationship go away for the weekend?
The home is a place of familiarity. It can be one or the others comfortable domain. When going away,
there is a purpose and intention set forth. It takes both out of a comfort zone, allows more vulnerability,
and sets a stage for growth. It also may lend to some intimacy that may otherwise be interrupted by daily
life such as kids, chores, phone calls, TV, etc… Being in a new setting can give a good start to or
symbolize a new way of thinking. It can also let the other person know that there was some sort of an
intention or sacrifice on their part to make it happen allowing both parties to feel cared for which creates a
safe place to share.
What are some tips for couples to have better communication? Listen. Set aside their feelings for a
moment, so they may have space to consider someone else's. Quit trying to win. Quit trying to be right.
Set aside time to speak without retribution. Consider that your perspective is just that and give as much
respect to your partners perspective. Be friends. Talk things out. Touch! Spend time alone together. Ask
each other what it’s like to be in a relationship with you. And give some good thought into the answer.
How can a woman best serve her man? By understanding that he is different. Don’t immediately judge
him. Know that he may also be right. Give him a chance to speak, to explain. Praise him, admire him,
make him feel like the man in the relationship. Allow him to shine and to make mistakes. Allow him to be
your hero. Love him. Touch him as mush as possible. Be flirty and fun. Don’t complain the minute he
walks in the door. Let him know what he does right. Serve him — rub his feet. Bring his plate, be
interested in him and his hobbies. Be intimate with him often.
And a man his woman? Cherish her, make her feel that there is no one above her, make time for her,
listen to her. Ask her what her needs are and then give them to her. Be her hero. Don’t cheat. A woman
needs to feel taken care of, cherished above all others. Praise her for her work at home, with you, with the
kids, with the housework. Understand that she is different, that there are variables like menstruation,
hormones, body changes, worldly expectations. Treat her like a queen. Be patient, help her to discover her
intimate needs.
Why do you compare men to dogs? It’s an easy visual and metaphor for most people. They love their
dogs. Why can’t they love their men? It’s not meant in a derogatory way at all. They are just simple and
they want to serve, just as dogs. I was just thinking about it one day and it worked. There are many ways
that the two compare and a simplistic approach to your man as you would be to your dog, helps women to
see a plan of success.
As a certified life coach who has helped hundreds of individuals over the past 15 years, you also had
some unique mentoring experience with Major League Baseball players, on Olympian gymnast,
and college basketball players. What do you find works so well in your approach to building up the
confidence in others? Meeting them on their level. I’m no better than they are and vice versa. We are all
just here trying to survive and to be the best we can be. With high achieving individuals, they have a bit
of a super human personality. I understand it well and know how to approach it. They also aren’t treated
often as a regular person and they all have a need for that. So I see them as humans just like me. I’ve
always had a gift of knowing what people need. It’s a blessing but definitely an intangible that I don’t
even know how to explain.
Selected Excerpts
Three Strikes – But Not Out!
You might be asking how I, a three-time divorcee, am in a position to give any kind of advice on
relationships. The answer is this: It’s my calling. I’ve been through it, and through more of it again. I
have failed and walked through painful circumstances so that others may succeed. I have learned from
the mistakes I made and the situations I was given to learn from. I know what works and what doesn’t.
In recent years through my work as a coach, I’ve seen my program work again and again. This book will
help you see the world through a man’s eyes – your man’s eyes. Everything will be amplified and
rendered clearer, simpler, more attainable. If I can help one woman – maybe even you – embrace your
womanhood, shift the heart of your ma, and feel empowered to save your marriage, I will feel I’ve done
my part. I believe this work is the most important work I can do on this planet and will affect generations
to come.
Who Raised Men?
Simply put, you want more from your man. Instead, he seems to be selfish and self-centered. Makes it
all about him. Can’t see beyond his need for sex, or maybe his ego needs regular attention, too. Loves
being with his guy friends, at work, in the garage, or in front of the TV, more than being with you. Never
seems to listen, doesn’t care, likes to be critical, and doesn’t appreciate you or all you do for him. Views
you as his least priority. Wants you to change and be more accepting of him and his manly ways. Sound
like your man? These are also some common complaints and frustrating behaviors I hear from the
women I work with. What’s wrong with all of these guys, anyway? Who raised these fools?
Don’t Focus On The Negative
For instance, if we focus on the negative, that’s what we are going to see. If your intentional – or even
wholly unconscious and intentional – perspective is to see your man as selfish, then you will be able to
find ample evidence of it several times a day. Anything he does for himself will seem selfish, even self-
care or interruptions of his attention – such as going the gym, or taking a moment to look at his phone –
when you have part of your brain always tuned in to looking for the proof. In contrast to that, if you
intentionally seek the positive from your man, you will start to see more positive things about him.
Review Your Perspective
How many situations could I have gotten through differently with an understanding of my own
perceptive, and how many issues could I have avoided because it was people’s stuff I didn’t need to get
involved with? I try not to think about it, since I’m always teaching others to move forward, and not
dwell in the things we can no longer change. Not an easy task for sure. But can you imagine, if each time
something happened that upset you, you could pause for a moment before reacting to it. Ask yourself,
“What my perspective is just that, my perspective? What actually happened?” I’m telling you, if you can
do that for yourself, your entire world will start to open up. It just becomes larger. Throughout our lives,
many of us are condition to believe that there are only two categories of events or action, “right” and
“wrong.” So, everything that transpires in our lives has to be put into one of these. If our perspective
maintains that we are right, and who doesn’t want to be right – then the only other option is “wrong.”
Perhaps we believe the other person must be right, and blame ourselves for being in the “wrong” more
often than we should. Either way, our need for “right” drives a lot of how we handle conflict and
dissatisfaction. We fight so hard to stay in something that doesn’t necessarily serve us, because if the
situation, or the other person is wrong, then we cling to the perspective that it has to be made right.
Change Your Views
In the present, if something positive happens, we file it in our past. If something negative happens, we
file it toward our future. If a negative present scenario does not get worked through and turned into a
positive experience, it will continue to show up as fear or reaction in our future over and over again –
until it’s finally dealt with and then filed in the past. Make sense? Most people live in the pain of the
past, or fear of the future. The more you can deal with things as they come up, in the present, the more
space you create to develop the future that you want. Being aware of your thoughts, seeing the world as a
myriad of perspectives, and knowing that you have the control over what perspective you want to have, is
such a powerful place to work from. Again, when you change your perspective, you change your reality.
Women Are Not Men
Women are constantly fighting for what they believe is equality without realizing that they’re actually
taking a step down to achieve that. Not in the sense that women are better than men, but in a sense that
we are better at the female role than men, but in a sense that we are better at the female role than men are,
better at being authentic women than mimicking men, and men are better at the male role. Modern
western culture is seemingly fusing and occasionally switching the roles. I never want to have the role of
a man. They experience a lot of pressure to provide and be strong. I love and respect it. Their bodies,
their brains and hormonal chemistry are created to conquer. Ours are made to nurture, and women can
conquer, but when we do those things deliberately from acceptance and fulfillment of our divine roles, it’s
fare more powerful.
A Powerful Woman Defined
Regardless of where you are and what aligns for you, you can embrace who you are and you can shift
your man to be supportive rather than resentful or oppositional. Some men can shift with their woman
out of the house, being powerful in their own right. No matter where you are in the world, how powerful,
strong, independent, and in charge you are, when you walk in that door at the end of the day, you can also
choose to let it all go, and be kind and sweet and receptive in your marriage. Step into the role of our
man’s woman however the two of you choose to define that. It’s a different kind of powerful. A different
kind of strength.
The Power Of Want
They aren’t mind readers. They aren’t looking through a crystal ball. They are just men and they have
not a clue what you want from them until you tell them. How often are you frustrated or angry with your
man about something he didn’t do or say? How often does your man even know what you wanted done
or said in the first place?
Men Are Fixers
Give a man a problem, and he will try to solve it. Give a man something that remotely seems like a
problem, and he will try to solve it. Men are fixers. It’s in their DNA.
Words Of Affirmation
Our words can build someone up – or destroy them. I have, unfortunately, spent a tone of time with
women who continuously bicker and put down their man. I’m not sure why this seems to be a trend, but
it can be observed commonly in the “wild.” For instance, how many times are your in a room full of
women and they start bashing their husbands? Or out on a date with another couple, and when the guys
are engrossed in something else, the women starts in on it. “Guess what my husband did this time?” I
have seen this so many times. It’s almost a social contest – like they try to one-up each other with tales of
how horrible their man is.
When Sex Is Needed
There is no way to have a complete, fulfilling relationship without intimacy, connection, and sex. You
may be told that it’s possible, and have figured out a way to convince yourself that its true, but I’m telling
you, it’s not possible. Men are visual thinkers, doers and learners. The number one thing they are
attracted to is looks. Men have a need for affection, for physical intimacy. It is a biological need, a
requirement for their bodies to even function properly. Society continues to view sexuality as some
perverted part of nature that we should be ashamed of, or that we should transcend into some virtuous
alternative. Although there are men who have unhealthy relationships to sex itself, for the most part, it’s
extremely normal for a man to have sex on his mind almost all of the time…
Is there a reason why you can’t make the time and put forth the energy to engage in a bonding session
with your man? Don’t look at it as a chore, or something else he is “taking” from you. Look at it as a
part of a whole. Have you thought about the importance of it to his wellbeing, and what it might show
him if you are receptive for that reason alone? Have you thought that maybe you need it and will enjoy it,
too? Cold this one act of service and love be what stats the shifting of your man in other area? Oh yes, it
can be for sure!
Serving With A Grateful Heart
Service is the best way to diffuse any tension, and moreover, to get out of ourselves. The more we serve,
the more we are able to see the one that we are serving as a perfectly imperfect human. With that
perspective, we are able to love them in a way that isn’t possible without it. Try thinking about serving
your man. What kind of service would you give to him? When you start to think about his needs, and
how you can better meet them, there is a softness and suffuses you. You will start to listen more, so you
can hear his needs. You will watch hm more, so you can see what his needs look like. You tune in
deeper, pay attention to things about him that you normally wouldn’t, and discern how he is feeling. Men
love to be taken care of. They may not admit it out loud very often, but they truly want nothing more. I
believe this is another biological need. So you have a human who needs to be nurtured, and a human who
is made to nurture. Seems pretty symbiotic, right? In our society, it’s not that cut and dried. Women are
made to feel weak in that position, and men made to feel selfish. On the contrary, there is strength in
service, and a man that can admit that he is needing to be nurtured, isn’t selfish.
Admire and Affirm
Remember, admiration, or at least affirmation, is a need. You can’t expect your man to fil your needs if
you’re not filling his. It definitely goes both ways, but your actually have more influence than he does
when it comes to creating change, because you can think holistically and you can start from a place of
nurturing rather than conquering. What causes the seed to germinate and flower to bloom? It isn’t
conquering.
When a man’s needs are met and he is fulfilled, he will want to do the same in return, and you won’t have
to do anything artificial or deceptive to bring it about. Be your best self and treat him with kindness and
affirmation. He will shift.